Why are Christians so quick to say that I'd lead myself to destruction for being honest with my own conviction?

I accepted 'Christ' as a child and did it again as a young junior college student. However, I did not know why nor understand fully what I was getting into. I used to have this 'false sense of security' when I was going with the motions, but I never really wanted to be reading the Word, never really had that conviction that Christ died on the cross for my sins...I knew of it, but it wasn't true to me. I've only recently opened up to my best friend about this and her first reaction was that by 'being honest with myself' by backing down some, it will lead my life to destruction and that she is saddened by my being truthful. I haven't said I don't want to know about this Christian God I was brought up to believe, but I just don't know Him nor really let Him be Lord of my life. I mean, I'm being honest with myself instead of struggling/battling through. And right now, I almost feel that I would be seeking to make others happy rather than for my own inner yearnings. I don't reject God, but I want to have my own faith and be convicted by it. Not running a wayward fashion. Think that's pointless.