How can I help my friend?

TO Tom's friend : It's good of you to be there for him but it might be better if you stand down now. You may also be 'showing' your stress to him (your wife and others) and start people wondering what's the problem..he needs to calm down and if necessary go to a (1) counselor to talk it out. There are things he should sort out before saying anything to his wife. The son in question is a teenager:; he has been a great dad and has loved all 5 children! Nothing has changed in his feeling toward the boy. He could have adopted him and be as happy with him. The relationship WILL change ! Tom will lose as much as HIS son (or more) It just won't be the same!! You say Tom's wife is great ..chances are good that she INCREASED her efforts to being a better wife and mother because of the incident that happened at least 13 years ago. Does she show that she loves him? Does he love her? I hope so--she had 2 or 3 more children after the "incident" She chose Him-- to stay with him. AND she spared his feelings BY NOT TELLING HIM ABOUT WHATEVER happened . People TELL ALL because THEY want to feel better. It happens all the time. +50 % of marriages today end in divorce. Here's as you say "" THE IDEAL FAMILY MOST PEOPLE WOULD WANT'" WHY WOULD HE WANT TO CHANGE THAT? A slip of the tongue could change all that. This Secret should be put away for good. someday when this boy's child ( Tom's )grandchild is born , Tom can rethink his life and will be grateful nothing was said. You know how everyone says well in hindsite I should have....... done/not done... I'm giving you the hindsite!!!! at my age +70 I've done or seen most of it !! Help him calm down, you calm down, think of the BIG picture and salvage what Tom can.God Bless.